of ryan reynolds and garden eels

It doesn't happen very often but occasionally, after a martini or two, I blame myself for the d-i-v-o-r-c-e of Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson...

 

The time, place and why are not relevant here.  Two weeks after he was named "world's sexiest person alive" I met Ryan Reynolds.  He was tall, he made me weak in the knees, he was polite (take note Vince Vaughn, he even knew how to say "thank you"), he made me blush, he really was the sexiest man alive.

 

I would be wise to advise that our interaction took place after I had been at work for 8-hours and was working late, like 6-hours late....

  

Around 3-hours after he first said hello and made me blush like a giddy little girl, we found ourselves in front on a garden eel exhibit.  Glancing over his shoulder he smiled at me and asked while all the eels were looking one direction.   We had chatted throughout the evening, but here was my chance.  In a moment of delirium I replied "because they have been staring at me for 5-years and now you are here" in a sarcastically witty tone.

 

And that is when Ryan Reynolds looked at me and laughed.   A laugh straight from the gods to his perfect lips.

 

Seeing our interaction someone in his pose responded "well yeah, he IS the sexiest man alive..."  To which Ryan eloquently replied with an adorable eye-roll "that was so two weeks ago, I like her answer" - and I swear his teeth sparkled when he smiled.

 

Two weeks later, as I waited in the grocery line, I read a tabloid that screamed "Ryan and Scarlett divorce". 

 

I never did read the article - it is much more fun after a few martinis to think my spinster-self maybe contributed to the tabloid headline.

dinner with vince vaughn

What should have happened: 

  

It was a wonderful Friday evening and we were out celebrating at a trendy eatery.  A single Vince Vaughn walks into the restaurant, spots me and sends over a martini.  I wave thank you.  Vince joins the table.  I start writing my blog via postcards sent from fabulous places around the world.

What happened in reality:

It was a wonderful Friday evening and I joined my family to celebrate a 60th birthday at Benihana (safe to assume the 60 year old picked the chain restaurant).  We order cocktails, laugh and celebrate.  As the chef is making a heart out of fried rice my sister taps me and says "that man looks just like Vince Vaughn". 

 

And then we heard him speak, confirming Mr. Vaughn was in the building, and I noticed his wedding ring (strike one).

 

We resumed our celebrations - which included a photographer to capture all the joy that is a 60th birthday celebration.  I have to assume here that when I hit 60 I will want to remember the celebration too so I posed for photos and smiled.

 

At the table next to us Vinny had two sake bombs, a glass of red wine, and two beers (strike two, three, four, five and six).  Like magic he became every one of the characters he plays on film.  And just like that character he was loud and putting on a show (strike seven and eight).

  

It was somewhere between the red wine and second sake bomb that our table sang happy birthday.  Cameras were out, we were laughing and being louder than the table next to us.  Then the second sake bomb happened and a voice, straight from the movie screen, yelled across the restaurant to "put the camera away" (strike nine and ten).  Apparently at a 60th birthday celebration you aren't allowed to take photos when a certain Mr. Vaughn is in the restaurant.

 

Naturally we ignored and continued our celebrations.

 

But what I wish I had said:

 

I wish I had ordered another cucumber vodka.  I wish I had made eye contact as he yelled across the restaurant - which should be noted is a family-style restaurant.  I wish I had calmly stood up and floated across the room.

 

And that is when I would have said "I am not sure who you think you are, but I have an Emmy and I don't yell across restaurants."

Let's face it Vince, you are at a chain restaurant that is notorious for birthday celebrations.  If you can't handle someone taking photos, that aren't even of you, maybe you should stay home.

  

This encounter was the defining moment when I decided Emmy needs a boyfriend named Oscar, just so I can thank Vince Vaughn in my acceptance speech.