of ryan reynolds and garden eels

It doesn't happen very often but occasionally, after a martini or two, I blame myself for the d-i-v-o-r-c-e of Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson...

 

The time, place and why are not relevant here.  Two weeks after he was named "world's sexiest person alive" I met Ryan Reynolds.  He was tall, he made me weak in the knees, he was polite (take note Vince Vaughn, he even knew how to say "thank you"), he made me blush, he really was the sexiest man alive.

 

I would be wise to advise that our interaction took place after I had been at work for 8-hours and was working late, like 6-hours late....

  

Around 3-hours after he first said hello and made me blush like a giddy little girl, we found ourselves in front on a garden eel exhibit.  Glancing over his shoulder he smiled at me and asked while all the eels were looking one direction.   We had chatted throughout the evening, but here was my chance.  In a moment of delirium I replied "because they have been staring at me for 5-years and now you are here" in a sarcastically witty tone.

 

And that is when Ryan Reynolds looked at me and laughed.   A laugh straight from the gods to his perfect lips.

 

Seeing our interaction someone in his pose responded "well yeah, he IS the sexiest man alive..."  To which Ryan eloquently replied with an adorable eye-roll "that was so two weeks ago, I like her answer" - and I swear his teeth sparkled when he smiled.

 

Two weeks later, as I waited in the grocery line, I read a tabloid that screamed "Ryan and Scarlett divorce". 

 

I never did read the article - it is much more fun after a few martinis to think my spinster-self maybe contributed to the tabloid headline.

vodka confessions: adele

Somewhere between Valentine's Day and my 30th birthday this year I had the most fabulous vodka water cocktail, and then another and another and thus "vodka confessions" was born.

The night is a little fuzzy so I'll start at the beginning...

It was a love that happened very fast and was rather intense. Just like Alice I fell into the rabbit hole and continues to fall - hitting "I love you" and spiraling when the love stopped. He was older, divorced. I was young and carefree. I have no regrets about our time together - love that happens that intense and fast is destined to fail and I'm sure if I'd paid attention to my horoscope it would have told me the exact same thing. Eventually I hit the ground, single, and dusted myself off - ready for the next bout of love to hit.

And then Adele happened.

In the years since our breakup we have stayed in touch - checking in here and there. It isn't a friendship but it is what I assume is a sense of what real love is once it's "over". He has since moved into a creepy cabin in the hills with a new love and I have stayed in the city with my dog. Somewhere between Valentine's day and my 30th birthday I was no longer ok with this scenario...

And then vodka happened.

I should mention that it was a typical night. I'd enjoyed a run. Had salmon for dinner. Watched a silly romantic comedy and then I woke up the next morning and texted one of my best friends: "I think I Facebook messaged my ex a YouTube video of Adele" I had in fact Facebook messaged said video. It is probably wise to mention we aren't Facebook friends. Not only did I have to search for this fabulous video about moving on from a broken heart, I had to Facebook stalk said ex. The best part was my message with the video: "Don't read into this, but I kind of look like her"

Oh vodka and Adele - you are horrible friends. If I didn't love you both so much we would be divorced by now.

My only option was to laugh at myself, naturally. My friends laughed with me and the ex had to have laughed too - he wrote back to my message but I'm too chicken to read it. When asked how much vodka I'd had that night I had to, pitifully, admit that I had no idea...it was somewhere between dancing to Diana Ross and singing to Adele.

That day vodka taught me that if you can't laugh at yourself you have no business laughing at all - life lessons like these make me glad I didn't break up with vodka (or Adele).